Studying full-time seen to be selfish

Post marriage has been challenging at times and it took a while to accept there was nothing that could save the marriage anymore. I was always going to be caught in between "accepting a break-up" and fighting and doing everything possible to save our marriage. It wasn't my choice to give up but I had to eventually accept defeat and respect my daughter's mother's choice and wish. Time does heal.... Eventually. People are right, it does get easier sometimes with time although not everything and it doesn't answer all questions, but you move on......

It also gives you time to reflect and for me personally it gave me an opportunity to improve my life. Not only as a person but also professionally and gain a qualification which would offer me an opportunity to improve not only my income but also my lifestyle and what I could offer my daughter, both financially as well as a role model. It doesn't come without sacrifice though and putting my career on hold for three years takes courage but the experience so far has been incredible and probably the best career/educational decision I've ever made! Not only have I excelled well above my own expectations so far but I have also developed as a professional individual enormously.

But rarely can I enjoy and take pride in what I see as an achievement without a dampener being put on it. None more so unfortunately than continuously being told that my choice of studying full-time instead of working full-time and supporting Jessie is nothing short of selfish!! I am sorry, but as far as I'm concerned it's very much the opposite. Yes it's a short term sacrifice but hopefully for a long term gain. It's not easy...... I have to juggle my studies, aiming for a comfortable first grade, doing a part-time job, trying to set up a business, volunteering for a charity and making time to spend quality time with Jessie (which I want and still see as the most important thing because nothing can buy back this time as she grows up). Though I'm not complaining and it was my choice but for once I'm actually feeling proud of what I'm achieving and a feel good factor alongside it. 

I've had to endure some dark times post seperation, many hours of feeling sad because Jess has been taking from me and often had visits being cancelled, leaving me in an even worse state. But I fought very hard to control those feelings despite being tested on numerous occasions. The last year and a bit has been a lot easier. Making me feel worthless however was never going to help and even though I specifically asked on several occasions not to be told I'm doing Jessie injustice because of my decision to study towards a degree, I still get accused. Even worse that some outsiders have started the same thing, telling me that I'm selfish, and that I should get a job!

Why should the world be such a cruel place when all I'm trying to do is become a better person and be the best dad I could possibly be? It's these kind of things which leads a person to lose motivation unfortunately, when nobody can see the good intentions you have and instead throw stones at you and enjoy the suffering it brings, to then say "you've brought it upon yourself". Where's the love gone in this world......?