How cruel can a parent be? Admittedly I'm not in the best financial position right now but nonetheless it doesn't stop me having dreams and working towards goals and holidays. Sadly though, for the third time in the last 15 months I'm told that I'm not allowed to take Jessie abroad. What kind of person would be perfectly fine leaving our beloved daughter in my care on weekends but don't "trust" me taking her on holiday for a weekend or maybe longer to France or Italy? Like I'm a criminal or have a record or background of doing anything crazy and cause my little girl harm. Apparently I'm too unstable and I'm not settled in this country! Really!!!! The only reason I'm "unsettled" if that is what it's called, is because I'm the one who got told to leave a family house and start again on my own. To then had to make a choice between carrying on the job I did and not get to see my little girl because my employer couldn't guarantee giving me weekends off every fortnight. To then be made redundant shortly after starting a new job because one of the outlets closed down, certainly hasn't helped but instead of being lazy and living off benefits I decided to try and improve my career prospects by studying towards a Sport Management degree and possibly doing a PGCE. Still, I'm the one blamed for everything, my child taken away from me and I'm not allowed to get upset about it. Now I'm constantly being told I can't take her abroad, yet we've had numerous holidays travelling across England.
I feel so sorry for Jess being denied that opportunity and not to mention visiting South Africa and her family there. Perhaps she may never travel to South Africa again until she's 18 because no matter how nice a person I am or have been, how could I ever agree for her mum to take her on holiday when she has denied me the chance? I'd love to say I'm a better person than that and believe me I always strive and try my best to be the best person I can be, but when I get punished and Jessie has to live with the consequences of not being able to share and make those memories with me too, how can anyone just accept it? It's just incredibly sad.....
I've been trying to open a savings account for her in her own name for several months but again, I can't be trusted with her birth certificate or passport? How can I keep on being treated like an animal, not trusted, like I am a criminal of some sorts? But I dare not get upset about it because then I'm the bad one. What sad person can continue being this mean to another despite being begged to just be normal, not least for the child's sake. Yet, I'm completely trusted in having my little angel stay with me in this country (thankfully). Crazy..... nothing would ever buy back this time that has been taken away from us and it's hard to forgive when a person continue causing you harm. I wish I could.......
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