Missing a Loved One

Jessie and I enjoying a special moment in South Africa

No doubt we've all been there and experienced this in some shape and form. Traveling around the world playing cricket, I've had to deal with it my whole life since I was 18. But it was a choice, and somehow it just doesn't feel quite the same. Besides, there was always that "looking forward to seeing you" feel as you were fulfilling your duty and ticking down the days till you get reunited again.

Being separated from your wife and kids due to a broken marriage is very different though. At the moment I only get to see my 7 year old daughter every two weeks and it's torture. People will say, "just make the best of your time together" and yes we do! But it's those nights you go to bed and miss that good night kiss you'd give her on the cheek as you tuck her in once more. It's the "I love you daddy" you don't get to hear as she smiles at you or that prayer the two of you say before bed time. 

Having fun in the snow

I spend many hours laying awake at night thinking about what's been taken away from me. I get angry sometimes. Sometimes I have to remind myself to be grateful for the fact that I can still get to see her every now and again, unlike some parents who unfortunately have lost their children through death. It's an unbearable thought and I can't imagine how difficult it must be to cope with. My thoughts and prayers are with those.

My situation may not be as bad as some but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Only seeing your little princess 2 nights out of 14 is less than 15% of the time. In other words, it's missing out on 6  years of her next 7 years. By the time she reaches 18, in 10 and a half years' time, I'll only be part of her life for 1 and a half year! It's a scary and very sad thought. Perhaps understandable that at times I get a bit emotional and other times I get angry.

Treasure every moment!

Some may look at this and think it's depressing to read. Some may think I'm looking for sympathy and perhaps even question as to why I would want to share my thoughts and emotions with the world. The way I see it is very different. I like to think of it as creating awareness and carrying a message to those who hasn't experienced it, while sympathizing with those who go through what I'm having to deal with on a daily basis.

Never take anything for granted. Melissa and I once had the most amazing relationship! People looked at us thinking we were the perfect couple. We shared and made the most beautiful memories, had bad times, worked through it, sacrificed together and brought the most beautiful and precious girl to this world. We had everything! Today I don't.

Where it all began, Cape Town

My message is simple. Don't take things or anyone for granted. Show them how much you love them and how much you care every minute of the day! Make them feel special and put as much work into your relationship than you would in anything else. You never know when tomorrow gets taken away from you.