Thursday 10 March 2016

Regretful decisions - Happy 30th Birthday Buks

We all make decisions on our journey through life we sometimes question. None more so than the one I made 8 years ago nearly to this day..... Taking my wife & kids and moving abroad! Foreign travelling was nothing new to me at the time and very much a regular occurrence due to playing cricket overseas for the previous 13 years. Perhaps it was just too easy to pack the bags and "move". It was a new venture, nerve-wrecking experience yes but overshadowed I guess by excitement.

Little did I know about the risks and implications at the time unfortunately. Here I am 8 years later, going through a divorce, having lost two sons, only seeing my 9 year old daughter every fortnight, lost my mum to cancer, living in a country where immigrants are looked worse upon by the day, seen by fellow South Africans as a traitor for "turning my back" on the country and not having been able to afford to visit any family or friends (well at least those who still want to see me) back in SA for more than 5 years.

At the time I just thought we did the right thing. not least for our children's future. Silly me :-( ......... It's easy to point a finger at an immigrant, I see it every day, sadly. So many people don't realise how lucky they are or what it takes for some immigrants to seek a better life, the sacrifices and risks it takes. Blimey, my situation doesn't even come close to some of the stories we see and hear about like Syrian refugees!! You can't just categorise everyone under the same label but unfortunately some people do, whether it's based on colour, religion, sex, immigration, you name it. Once a view on it, they see no difference between one or the other unfortunately.

So yes I have regrets, besides my own personal life, mostly regrets because what I've taken away from others. It's hard enough having lost what I have but I can't imagine how difficult it must be seeing your family grow up in pictures like they have with Jessie. All because of my stupid decision.... Selfish and heartless..... It's not something I can take back unfortunately and it's regret I live with every day of my life.

I don't think I was in Maritza's best books here!! Clearly she didn't get her way!
Not many aunties are as close to their nieces as my sister, Maritza, to Jessie. Right from birth!! We're lucky to have a family member being so close and that's no disrespect to any other family member. I guess Maritza, very much like myself, wears her heart on her sleeve. Today is a sad day for me to be honest and it should be a very happy day for Maritza! My little sister turns 30!!!! I can't believe it and I wish we could be there to celebrate..... I'm really sorry and sad we can't be there and make it extra special, but hope those around you do, because you deserve it. Gosh we've had many fights through the years, less nowadays though (probably because there's 6,000 miles between us), lol, but I love her to bits and I've been fortunate to have had her in my life. I hope you enjoy your birthday Buks and I'm so, so sorry for the decision we made 8 years ago. Love you lots xx


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