Is modern technology damaging our mannerism?

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, other than lies and stealing, it’s someone not showing manners. Growing up as a kid there was no option. It was as necessary as the air we needed to breathe. You wouldn't dare show disrespect, not least to your elderly. I remember how it was the norm to call someone around ten years or so older than you “aunt” and “uncle” – not just those related to you. It was called respect.

Many of us change as we get older. Some for the better, some for the worse unfortunately. I know I myself have changed but one thing I’ve tried really hard to hold on to, is manners. It’s so easy and it doesn't cost anything. Luckily there are millions out there who still have amazing manners and it’s always so pleasing to see.

I've always been very proud of my little girl, Jessie’s, manners and it’s always pleasing for a parent when someone praises her for it. She has a golden heart too and the two often goes hand in hand. Just the other day she illustrated this once again when walking pass a homeless man in the city, she asked if she could give her hot dog which she hadn't even taken a bite of yet, to the man. She stood there watching him from a distance with genuine care and I could see how happy she felt that he had something to eat.

Wouldn't the world be an amazing place if every person in this world showed the same amount of care to others? We quickly forget our purpose on this piece of land. It doesn't even belong to us, yet we’ll fight over it, tell others we have more right on it than what they have. I sometimes think as individuals we give up too easily because we think we can’t make a difference. That there are too many people out there not sharing our beliefs and principles. I think that’s where we go wrong…… I do think there are more well-mannered and caring people on earth than there are baddies. But we’re too caught up in our own thing and worry too much about ourselves. We think we can’t change the world – as individuals I’m sure we can’t, but we can change individuals and as one we can go a long way to changing the world. There’ll always be evil, but it will have little impact if it only makes up for 1% of the globe.

Back to Jessie….. I was struck this morning by a one liner Skype message I received from her in reply to me trying to arrange a time for us to chat. We haven’t been able to talk all week and all of last week neither, and I've sent her a few messages trying to arrange an appropriate time to talk. Of course I was delighted to wake up finding a message of hers on my Skype but unfortunately my mood was dampened straight away when it read “I can’t I'm going to chestifer”. No good morning papa, how are you? Just a one liner. It’s not how I know my little angel so it’s quite deflating. I did manage to quietly laugh about the chestifer which I presume was meant to be Chesterfield, lol.

It’s not the first time and I’ve spoken to her about the importance of being respectful and to show manners at all times, even on a social chat platform and she listened at the time. She had a very old mobile phone then and she blamed it on the fact that it takes forever for her to write something, which I could sympathise with. One wouldn't normally encourage 9 year old children to communicate via that platform but society is changing, kids are quickly becoming more IT intelligent at a younger age and it provides the best form of communication for us – we just need to stay on top of it with regards to safety as well as the method we communicate in, not forgetting manners.

It then made me think….. Are we living in a time where social media has become so dominant that the speed of which we write to one another is causing us to put things in short, emotionless sentences, if we could even call it a sentence? Are we sending messages across to one another that misinterpret ourselves or is it becoming such a habit that we actually forget how to communicate with each in a proper, well-mannered and respectful way? As technology moves forward, society seems to go backwards. I'm not sure if that’s a good thing.

I've not been able to speak to her since, although I did reply with a very polite message reminding her not to forget her manners even in a message. When there are miles between you and your daughter and she only sees you one or two days a fortnight at most, it becomes even more difficult to be the “bad parent”, nagging, and it’s a risk you take because you want to do everything in your power for her to love you and not give any reason for her to dislike you but hopefully one day she’ll appreciate it and realise you did it because you love her more than anything and just want her to grow up being the beautiful, wonderful and caring person she is. “I hate telling you off my angel as much as you hate being told off, I promise you. Papa loves you to the moon and back my skapie xx”.

An Apology - It can work wonders

No doubt much has been written and spoken about an apology. In my opinion, it's an action that can work wonders. When it's truly meant of course. Sometimes we abuse apologies and use them without actually meaning it and just saying it for the sake of it. I think a true apology is something very special but it also needs someone special to be able to accept one. It's therefore also a two way stream. I was pleasantly surprised this evening when a good friend of mine contacted me and apologised over something he said a day or two ago. Not directed at me but a comment he made in general. It takes a true gentleman in my mind to stand up and apologise and that one little action this evening tells me so much about this friend. I know he truly meant it because most people would have just left it and carried on, hoping maybe it be forgotten along the way; Not this guy. Having stepped away from the situation, given it some thought, he felt his comment was unfair and he apologised! That's a true gentleman and something I'll remember a lot longer than a silly comment he once made. Let's not be too proud and too selfish to apologise. No matter how little or irrelevant it may seem, we have no idea how much it might mean to the other person.

Things Don't Always Go To Plan

Things unfortunately don't always go the way we plan it. This coming weekend being a prime example. I guess as we get older, we start celebrating our birthday less and less - though not everyone will agree with that - and to be honest it's not exactly the same celebrating all by yourself. It's not easy when your family are six thousand miles away and your daughter not being able to be with you, despite being twenty minutes away.

I was blessed last year, having an unforgettable one and Jessie made it unbelievably special. This year unfortunately a chain of circumstances are preventing me from being with Jess. Every day I'm not with her makes me very sad of course but I feel extremely sorry for her not being able to be with me. Even more so for the fact that I won't be able to see her perform at a Diwali Festival on Friday.

So much for people thinking immigrants have it easy and just live off the state! They have no idea.....  I can only hope that Jessie will one day understand and forgive me for not always being able to be there. Things WILL get easier....... I'm sorry my angel :-(

Good Night Pappa

Jessie and I had a wonderful chat on the phone this evening. She sounded so upbeat and we were talking about allsorts. She was busy making loom bands when I called her but unfortunately I had to go and when I called her back half an hour later, she'd finished 11 more!

We spoke about Friends and her favourite characters (apparently Pheobe), funny adverts, Derby County and so much more. She's so excited about being a season ticket holder and she wanted to know if she gets a new ticket for every match because she has a special book she saves her old match tickets in.

Jessie believes she can already work for DCFC

Then she came up with an idea she wants me to put forward to the club...... She suggested that every Rammie Squad member should be given a disk with all the season's footage on it so that they can look back at it over the years to bring back memories. She also suggested it be personalised to each member by having their name and a photo with Rammie on it, along with Derby County and the season. She believes she can get a job at Derby County!

She then told me something very special. She said next time she sees me she's going to bring her special box with. I asked her what this special box was and she replied by saying it's where she keeps all the things that remind her of me; Photos, letters, etc. Couldn't help for my heart to skip a beat when she said that. Time is supposed to heal but with some things it's just getting harder by the day.

A couple hours later I got this message on my phone reading "Good night pappa, I love you". It's hard to accept sometimes and not many people appreciate just how difficult losing out on 95% of being part of a loved one's daily life is - instead some criticise when you speak out about it. Life isn't always fair but I can still count my blessings for Jessie being such a wonderful girl and at least being able to be part of 5% of her life. That's surely better than nothing at all.

Time heals slowly

It's been a while since I've shared my thoughts on here. Sometimes sharing one's opinion can cause further obstacles and problems, but sometimes keeping them inside of you can cause a buildup of bad and negative emotions.

Another year has gone; it hasn't been an easy one. Caught in the middle of emotions of wanting to forgive but also those of anger, disappointment, confusion and sadness. If only moving on was that easy.

People say things get better in time. Maybe it does.......

The problem is that some people also say "never give up".......

How does a person sometimes know what the right thing to do is? Not the best thing, but the right thing. And who does the right thing best apply to? You, your ex or the child? Do you go with your brain or your heart?

It's not easy...... It's seems very easy to comment from the outside but when you're the one in those boots, trust me, it's not easy to move on. But I have no doubt we'll get there. When you truly love somebody, and I mean truly, I guess what's most important is to see the person happy. The hardest thing is not knowing whether or not she's in fact truly happy or indeed what exactly it is she really wants. Being able to sit down and talk about it ought to be the best way forward but when it's not an option it only makes matters worse.

Perhaps one day I'll have a better understanding, but as for now, there are unfortunately still too many questions that remain unanswered. One thing I am certain about though is that I'm pass the stage of being angry and can only offer my forgiveness.